I Got Caught Stealing.



Monaco. I have been very deprived by my parents.

I got caught stealing once, when I was seven (sorta). 

I wanted a pack of Bubbalicious gum that day at the orange and brown Wal-Mart in Irmo, South Carolina, and I decided that I wouldn't take my mother's 'NO' for an answer.

And apparently Jane's Addiction felt the same way about pineapples.

I think "Been Caught Stealing" is one of the best music videos ever.  It's one of my favorites. It's a video that could be #1, if I were keeping some sort of order to this "blog" that somehow I've become slightly obsessed with.  None the less, it's a classic.  From dressing in drag to dance-off's to those plastic horses you can ride outside your local discount store... Jane's Addiction never made the 'five-finger discount' look so... AWESOME.

Thus, when I asked my mother to buy the pack of gum for me, I got denied. Soon into the temper tantrum I was throwing, I realized that my mother had ... 'walked right through the door'... the automatic glass doors to the parking lot!  As I shoved the gum into my pocket, it began to sink in that she left my shit-ass.  My mother left me at the old, crusty, orange and brown Wal-Mart. I bolted out of the store thinking she'd be waiting for me, just to witness her Oldsmobile stopped at the intersection, blinker on, and ready to make a right turn... leaving me, the gum, and my ego in the steamy, South Carolina heat.


To this day she claims that she really was not going to leave, but just "do a circle" around the parking lot to, "teach me a lesson."  Ummm, yea.

Asheville Mom-mobile.  Many are parked in front of Greenlife.

However, part of me doesn't blame her.  Part of me wants to give her a high-five and say, "Hell yea, Lady. Way to teach me," and the other part of me worries that raising a child in Asheville, North Carolina would not allow me to teach my child the lessons that my mother taught me.  Somehow, I don't see the Greenlife staff backing me on this one, but then again, I can see them totally fine with my future child and I shoving organic avocado's up our shirts, down our pants, and blaming it on Jane's Addiction.